I ask for your feedback because, I only send these posts to people whose opinions matters to me — hence the very short email list. And if you don’t answer, I won’t be able to include you in my dedication and acknowledgements in my book…lol — only kidding
I didn’t know what I was going to write about this morning. Part of the healing process — as I have read and have found to be true– is usually finding ways to help others. It seems the reading I took on sparked something within me to want to make sense of Me, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and the world around me.
In order to do that I have to break shit down so I can understand it. I wonder if I was able to do that with today’s post — therefore I ask for your feed back in the form of comments and questions. I just wonder if what I have been able to make sense for myself makes sense to others. I plan on including an explaination of this sort in my book, having clarity on how this is received will let me know if I have gotten my point across.
I witnessed a troubled eight year old girl who could not make it to the bathroom, wet herself out in the playground on Friday. I have seen her many times before and have observed behavior and heard reports that indicate there is trouble in the home which is being supervised by an ACS worker and other professionals. But , in my opinion, supervision is just making sure she doesn’t die at the hands of her parent’s neglect; it doesn’t provide an outlet for the child to express her feelings about her situation. She looked so lost. I remember feeling that way. I remember wishing someone would save me from the hell I was living.
I wanted so much to show this little girl that someone cares about what she is going through. I wanted to be able to offer her some temporary relief from her situation. More permanent relief can only come when she is older and able to make sense out of her life and family – and she may never have the capacity to do that.
I have come across an interesting book by a leading expert — Bessel A. van der Kolk in trauma and its impact on individuals. While I have accepted the diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) for myself it has not been without thorough research on my part. I was once told I was suffering from Phobias when I was having unmanageable panic attacks. It took me from age 18 to 28 – ten years of suffering – to finally seek out a clinical help from a psychotherapist because the panic turned into severe depression and thoughts of suicide. I had no one to help me figure out what I was dealing with and suffered for 10 years with crippling panic and anxiety.
While I believe I have been thorough with my research (and it is certainly ongoing) I continue to have questions about PTSD. Why is it so prevalent a diagnosis today? Where was this psychiatric diagnosis in 1980 when I was hit with my first panic attack and first images of sexual abuse? Well, PTSD had not been included in the big ol’ book of psychiatric disorders DSM III until…wait for it…1980. Ironic. Isn’t it? DSM — Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders is now undergoing its fifth revision DSM 5 due out in 2013 and from what I have read here and there, there has been much controversy over additions and modifications to the existing edition.
Sidebar: Why is the DSM thingy so important and controversial? Because it is what doctors use to attach a diagnosis to mental health ailments based on a set of criteria – Bipolar Disorder, Sleep Disorders, Attention Deficit Disorder…etc, etc. We the general public and people like me an you, know nothing of this controversy and what it means, but it can affect us, our children, our clients and significant others. In my case this has been a good thing because I am finally receiving the treatment I need – I don’t think that “phobias” was ever listed as a medical diagnosis in any of the DSM editions – I get angry every time I think about the 10 years of my life I wasted with that phobia bullshit. But in the end, it may have been a saving grace, had I been to a psychiatrist I would have been prescribed Xanax to treat the panic and could have wound up in worse condition. And actually while seeing my Phobia Therapist I complained that my symptoms were getting worse (this was probably after seeing her for five or more years) and she referred me to a Psychiatrist that – yes prescribed Xanax. I took it once. I was too afraid of what it would do to me. I guess waiting for the research on PTSD and its treatment worked out for the best.
The book I am reviewing TRAUMTIC STRESS — The Effects of Overwhelming Experience on Mind, Body, and Society – to say I am reading it would be far from the truth – its close to 600 pages of psychological text contributed by dozens of scholars – highlighted something really important. People are living longer and therefore we now have the ability to study the long term affects of trauma – ie. Vietnam Vets, Holocaust Survivors, Childhood Sexual and Physical Abuse Survivors. A better understanding of PTSD and its treatment has been essential to my healing in individual and group therapy and probably saved my life.
From the book:
PTSD has turned out to be a very common disorder. Exposure to extreme stress is widespread, and a substantial proportion of exposed individuals become symptomatic (see Chapter 8, this volume). A random survey of 1,245 American adolescents showed that 23% had been the victims of physical or sexual assaults, as well as witnesses of violence against others. One out of five of the exposed adolescents developed PTSD. This suggests that approximately 1.07 million U.S. teenagers currently suffer from PTSD (Kilpatrick, Saunders, Resnick, & Smith, 1995) . Another survey (Elliot & Briere, 1995) found that 76% of American adults reported having been exposed to extreme stress. Nine percent of an urban population in a large North American city suffered from PTSD (Breslau & Davis, 1992) , and approximately 20 years after the end of the Vietnam War, 15.2% of U.S. Vietnam theater veterans continued to suffer from PTSD (Kulka et al., 1990) . The majority of psychiatric inpatients have consistently been found to have histories of severe (usually interfamilial) trauma, and at least 15% meet diagnostic criteria for PTSD itself (Saxe et al ., 1993) .
It is important to note that not everyone exposed to trauma will suffer from PTSD, but for those that do, diagnosis and treatment is essential.
I have taken an interest in this topic beyond how it has affected me personally because, I know there are other people like me that continue to suffer. and don’t know how to get help. There are children that are suffering now as a result of physical, emotional and sexual trauma. I believe there should be ways to offer outlets for healing either through individual or group counseling including non-traditional therapeutic activities that can help ease and manage the symptoms caused by trauma.
I know this is idealistic on my part because there are so many obstacles to helping people. Parents that are part of the problem or can’t face what their child has been through, may never let their children participate in a program that addresses issues of truama. Adults on the other hand not only have to want to participate in healing, they have to be ready (physical and emotional safety is essential to being ready to heal).
So what the hell am I saying here…I think the point I am trying to get across is the diagnosis of PTSD should not be a stigma that you walk around with. I recognize that by having the word "trauma" as part of the lable it conjures up all kinds of awful images and its upsetting.
Sidebar: At age 7 or 8 my mother took me by my ponytail and swung me from side to side and then pushed me into the shopping cart — What image does this conjure up for you…me skipping through a field of flowers on a sunny day smiling without a care in the world? — My point exactly.
Sorry people sometimes the truth hurts, but lets stop putting band aids on our wounds and find ways to finally heal. We have so many people who have been broken by violence and trauma — they are dropping out of school, self medicating, hospitalized, in prison, and imposing violence and truama on others. They are also just holding on, trying to live their lives trauma free — just holding on is not living.
Uh Oh…I already have 47 ideas for activities to help people…in particular children, rolling around in my head…. So I think I better sign off…
By the way does any of this make sense to you?
Peace,
Fat Girl Oreo
